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| Tuesday, August 10, 1999 Still raw. Still coming to grips with it. Read Jeanne's Diary , an interesting and very scary diary account of a woman with DCIS who had to go through Chemo. Scary stuff. The "diary" also states that the cure rate is good for DCIS that reoccurs if it has not already metastasized. That was not a very encouraging thing to read, but things I need to know. Could be a very long, hard next few months.I'm glad I have the Lord to help me through this. Sure could not do it alone. And I'm also very glad I have Michael. He is wonderful. I have an appointment with Betsy on Thursday. I gave her a challenge this morning. Come up with a really short haircut for me that will take advantage of the natural curl I have. I would rather have my hair fall out when it's short rather than when it's long. I hope you do not think I am blaming anyone for this disgusting turn of events. The natural reaction is fear, at least in my case. Fear of the unknown and of the things I have found out. Losing body hair, being sick, having all your white blood cells killed off so that if you get a serious infection it could kill you...things like that. Plus, it may not be something that can be cured. The thought of going through chemo to "prolong" life truly does not appeal to me. To rid myself of cancer, yes. I would do it. To prolong the inevitable, that's a different story. And yes, I am familiar with the song 'We're all gonna die anyway". Everything is in the Lords hands. I know that. It is the only thing that gives me comfort. I had the charge of the mosquito last year and it was a preview of coming attractions. I now have the charge of the buzzard, and hope I don't have to face the elephant just yet. Michael just called again. Seems Dr. Makin made an appointment for me with the oncologist he recommended to Michael. I see him at 1:30 tomorrow. Did not even have to call anyone. The appointment has been made. Perhaps the ball will start rolling tomorrow. Just hope it is not a roller coaster.... |
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